I'm sitting at my desk, at the end of a long day, and tears continue to moisten my eyes.
We had a non-drill lockdown today. For real, the call came across the intercom and we knew shit was real.
I needed to stay calm, give my kids directions, and keep them safe. I did those things. I followed procedures. I talked to them quietly like I would want someone to talk to my child. I wanted them to feel safe and loved.
We were quickly changed to an external lockout but the fear didn't subside very quickly. My kids were anxious and fear-filled. I completely understood.
I had part of the 8th grade class with me. They were awesome! They did exactly what we practice. After the immediate threat had passed, they had questions and I did my best to answer without showing fear.
We just had a real moment. Just fellow human beings together in a stressful situation.
Now as I reflect, I'm trying to breathe. I'm letting myself cry. I'm giving thanks for my training and our safety. Finally, I'm hoping my students know I love them like they're my own kids.